Sunday, January 19, 2014

Welcome to 2014

Hello blog.

Long time no see, feeling a bit down recently.

Just feel like writing some nonsense that I cant say out.
cos i dont think anyone is interested to listen as well

Thinking through about my life now..
What do I want to do?

unknowingly. boom. its another year alr.
desperately waiting to finish my studies.
after all, im studying for the sake of it.
not because i like or want it.

so this is making me really unhappy.
and the ones motivating me to school is the people.
my friends. but situation does not always allow me to spend more time w them.
always different modules or groupings. sigh.

at work as well, the ones keeping me happy at work are also the people.
my colleagues cum friends. now one by one they are starting to leave.
makes me wonder if i should start thinking about changing jobs too?

Major changes to my life are usually not because of me..
but the people around me.

im always just there, waiting for things to come or happen.
lol thats a bad thing i know.

One should always have a goal, and work towards the goal.

I dont know why I have none.
So not motivated to do stuffs.

I miss dance. but im feeling too old for SDZ lol.
I wanna learn dancing outside but ill usually take the first step only when i have company.

Its always nice to have someone to do the things you like together.
when you are happy, its happiness x 2.

Sometimes i really wish I can stay in a fantasy world.
like drama, just watching what happens and the end.

Now, every step and word i say can cause an impact to my life.

==

oh well, enough of the negative stuffs.

its a new year to begin with.
everyting is pretty much the same.

Im happy cause my 7seven-x sisters,
most of them haf graduated and are working alr.
somehow because of this, we are meeting up more frequently.

well, you do know im not the kind to initiate meetups, so ya.
haha, we even have plans to meet monthly for k sessions.
i like. haha.

they are the group of ppl who i sometimes do get really angry at,
yet can just scold them and say them hahahaa,
but dont know why when you see them, den okay alr.
and because they dont hide things from me,
im also not afraid to speak my mind in front of them.
as nonsense as i can be.

speaking of this, i really dont like when a close fren doesnt tell me things.
feels hurt- its like when i ask what heppen, why, or wat thing i missed out.
i usually hear aiya i dont know one la, or nvm over alr etc etc.
just feels like im not impt enough to know, to be part of it.
or sadly, yes, you dont treat me as a close fren, since we dont see each other often.

or maybe im just thinking too much, trying too hard.
so ive also learnt to let go, forget it.

Make yourself happy - i tell myself.

what's meant to be, will be.
I should count the happy things that i do everyday.

last year, i did went back to dance!
joined waves and had a really awesome item with the alumnis!!
doing chinese dance- i realised it is totally my style.
haha even after doing modern contemporary for past 7 years.
i still think i suit chinese dance. sadly. lolololol.
it was a hard time, but i always enjoyed new challenges.
work decided to bomb me with high workload and shortage of ppl.
i have classes and tests on the practice and performance days.
but i did it, and this kind of achievement always keep me alive.
not sure if i still wanna join next year - final year to degreeee.
shall see how..

I'm also aiming to spend more time with my family.
went for a trip to hongkong last yr, last month to be exact. haa
and i realised how much my parents have aged :(
i also want to spend more time with my ahma and ahgong.

it might be good that im not dancing at the moment.
i've been pretty selfish these years doing my own things
dance. school. friends. and not allocating time for family.
and pretty bad to myself for always trying to live up to ppl's expectations.
making myself always trying to take up more challenges. to do better.
so that i dont get negative comments from ppl.
but i still get them anyway. so what for try so hard? lol.

Lastly Im really grateful for this awesome boyfriend.
who volunteered to enter my world and made everything better
listening to all my nonsense and ridiculous questions and thoughts
even when i had really low self confidence, have doubts about myself,
you stayed with me and made me feel that im the best thing that ever happened to you.
Thank you love ~

oh dont get too happy and ask me for diamond ring hor LOL

x

and thank you blog.
i feel better now.

oh did i mention i cut short my hair too!
shortest i ever had these past 10+ years.
its a nice feeling and i feel like keeping it at this length!
feel like dyeing it too. HAA

after all, YOLO.

and with that, i shall end here, BYE

Labels: randomies, rants, thoughts

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