Sunday, January 19, 2014

Welcome to 2014

Hello blog.

Long time no see, feeling a bit down recently.

Just feel like writing some nonsense that I cant say out.
cos i dont think anyone is interested to listen as well

Thinking through about my life now..
What do I want to do?

unknowingly. boom. its another year alr.
desperately waiting to finish my studies.
after all, im studying for the sake of it.
not because i like or want it.

so this is making me really unhappy.
and the ones motivating me to school is the people.
my friends. but situation does not always allow me to spend more time w them.
always different modules or groupings. sigh.

at work as well, the ones keeping me happy at work are also the people.
my colleagues cum friends. now one by one they are starting to leave.
makes me wonder if i should start thinking about changing jobs too?

Major changes to my life are usually not because of me..
but the people around me.

im always just there, waiting for things to come or happen.
lol thats a bad thing i know.

One should always have a goal, and work towards the goal.

I dont know why I have none.
So not motivated to do stuffs.

I miss dance. but im feeling too old for SDZ lol.
I wanna learn dancing outside but ill usually take the first step only when i have company.

Its always nice to have someone to do the things you like together.
when you are happy, its happiness x 2.

Sometimes i really wish I can stay in a fantasy world.
like drama, just watching what happens and the end.

Now, every step and word i say can cause an impact to my life.

==

oh well, enough of the negative stuffs.

its a new year to begin with.
everyting is pretty much the same.

Im happy cause my 7seven-x sisters,
most of them haf graduated and are working alr.
somehow because of this, we are meeting up more frequently.

well, you do know im not the kind to initiate meetups, so ya.
haha, we even have plans to meet monthly for k sessions.
i like. haha.

they are the group of ppl who i sometimes do get really angry at,
yet can just scold them and say them hahahaa,
but dont know why when you see them, den okay alr.
and because they dont hide things from me,
im also not afraid to speak my mind in front of them.
as nonsense as i can be.

speaking of this, i really dont like when a close fren doesnt tell me things.
feels hurt- its like when i ask what heppen, why, or wat thing i missed out.
i usually hear aiya i dont know one la, or nvm over alr etc etc.
just feels like im not impt enough to know, to be part of it.
or sadly, yes, you dont treat me as a close fren, since we dont see each other often.

or maybe im just thinking too much, trying too hard.
so ive also learnt to let go, forget it.

Make yourself happy - i tell myself.

what's meant to be, will be.
I should count the happy things that i do everyday.

last year, i did went back to dance!
joined waves and had a really awesome item with the alumnis!!
doing chinese dance- i realised it is totally my style.
haha even after doing modern contemporary for past 7 years.
i still think i suit chinese dance. sadly. lolololol.
it was a hard time, but i always enjoyed new challenges.
work decided to bomb me with high workload and shortage of ppl.
i have classes and tests on the practice and performance days.
but i did it, and this kind of achievement always keep me alive.
not sure if i still wanna join next year - final year to degreeee.
shall see how..

I'm also aiming to spend more time with my family.
went for a trip to hongkong last yr, last month to be exact. haa
and i realised how much my parents have aged :(
i also want to spend more time with my ahma and ahgong.

it might be good that im not dancing at the moment.
i've been pretty selfish these years doing my own things
dance. school. friends. and not allocating time for family.
and pretty bad to myself for always trying to live up to ppl's expectations.
making myself always trying to take up more challenges. to do better.
so that i dont get negative comments from ppl.
but i still get them anyway. so what for try so hard? lol.

Lastly Im really grateful for this awesome boyfriend.
who volunteered to enter my world and made everything better
listening to all my nonsense and ridiculous questions and thoughts
even when i had really low self confidence, have doubts about myself,
you stayed with me and made me feel that im the best thing that ever happened to you.
Thank you love ~

oh dont get too happy and ask me for diamond ring hor LOL

x

and thank you blog.
i feel better now.

oh did i mention i cut short my hair too!
shortest i ever had these past 10+ years.
its a nice feeling and i feel like keeping it at this length!
feel like dyeing it too. HAA

after all, YOLO.

and with that, i shall end here, BYE

Labels: randomies, rants, thoughts

1:36 PM - 0 comments

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Random thoughs

Hello blog.

feeling kinda free so here i am.
dont really know what i wanna blog about.
just gonna type random stuffs that comes into my mind.

im not one who is good at expressing myself through words.
so many times, i just smile and get over it.
if not, just cry lor. hahaha.

well, that was the past.

every start of the year, ill tend to re-read my old posts
and i realise how much ive grown
and yet, how same i am still.

my way of thinking changed.
but i still have no idea what i want in the future.

im always contented with what i have.
so i dont have much dreams or ideas about what i want to be in the future

i do still want to see myself associated with dance tho.
i have no idea why, but dance is always a part of me.
its just sth to keep me alive and going.

its father's day today.
parents went to genting with their friends.
leaving bro and i home.

father's day..
i love mummy and bro. but i dunno why i cant seem to say..
i love daddy too.

he's been a responsible dad, managing the needs and wants of the household.
but he smokes, raises his voice on tiny whiny things
and i tend to avoid talking to him.
so over the years, especially when i was in poly in my busy days.
we rarely talked. wonder if that was the cause of the distant feel.
so as i started working, money issues just float so easily to surfaces.
for some time, i dint really talk to my daddy. cause i was upset with him.
i felt that im doing my job by working and paying my own expenses/school fees.
i nv asked for more things, so felt that he shouldnt raise his voice at me over money.

i have colleagues and friends who are closer to the father instead of mother.
they tell me stories about how they can rely on their father etc.
i have the mindset of not asking him for help as i felt that it will cause him trouble.
he usually gives the black face which i dont want to see as it gives me bad mood too.
mummy also complained lots of things abt him that she dont like
maybe thats why i had that mindset.

but he's different nowadays. getting less hot tempered.
esp after my fractured feet incident, i see him more, cause he settles my dinner.
now, when my feet recovered and im back to work,
he still cooks dinner for us and even calls to ask if im eating dinner.
sometime i feel like asking him how he is coping with his finances.
well even tho that is sth my mum is not aware too.
bro tells me sometimes daddy looks like he is on a tight budget.
but i just feel weird to be talking to him about such issues.

okay thats a really random thought.

so my company did a really interesting thing by buying this expensive book
for every employee in the company: Strength Finder.
so each book has this unique code, so we can access and take this quiz once.
and the quiz will analyze and tells us our 5 strengths.

was really excited about this because ive always want to see what good points i have.
am i really what i think i am in other people's eyes or am i someone else?

the results surprised me.

1) harmony - dislikes conflict
2) restorative - likes to fix problems/find solutions
3) individualisation - sees differences in people
4) empathy - feels other people
5) arranger - ability to arrange/organise/allocate

there is actually a long chunk of description in the book,
i kind of summurised in short.
as much as im surprised, the content really says what i feel.

pretty much interesting.

met up with my ARTs people. gab ted elfa.
so gab was like analysing the kind of person we are.
he mentioned that im like a structured person who needs to work in a grounded env.
like a admin HR or some sort. haaa. pretty true.
its fun to have a friend who can analyse and tell you truthfully how they feel about you.

makes me want to know more about myself.
sometimes i wonder if i could live as another person
so i could see myself.

that would be really really interesting. hahaha

so, the bf is going for reservist tmr~
hope i can still meet him on some of the days.
but im glad i still get my daily dose of phone calls.
hehe. he is literally my real life diary.

i miss dance and its people and i hope to be still able to dance
like how i was in the past.

i wonder why did i become so... err. full of thoughts?

i think the fracture did give me a wake up call.
to tell me to stop sleepwalking thru my day.

work like a robot.
school like a nerd.
dance like i'm sleeping, no wonder fracture. LOL

the one month confinement does gimme some time
for enlightenment. hahahaa. my pace of life became slower
its like i took a step back, out of the busy, non-stop moving time
and i saw more things.

well, at the same time, i became lazier when im alr lazy. hahaa.

i can sense that im starting to have more expectations of myself.
im no longer that easily contented anymore.

i should sleep earlier and do something to my double eyebags ya? HAA

first, ill start my collecting ALL my mcdonald HELLO KITTIES!!
haa you must be thinking that im crazy.

but simple things like this, make me happy.
alright, cya!

Labels: randomies, rants

11:22 PM - 0 comments

Monday, March 21, 2011

i miss laughing.

i rmb i used to laugh everyday,
when im in sch, when im in dance.

whr did my laughing genes go~~

laughing is a good form of exercise you know lol.

alright.
this month's a pretty boring one.
feels long too. i guess im too free.
too little dance and too much work.

just a slight note.
im starting sch next month!
studying part time..

wonder what ill become without dance..
perhaps ill jus grow old in months LOL.
alright shall update a march post soon.

bye folks.
i miss my class and dance.

Labels: randomies, rants

10:41 PM - 0 comments

Saturday, January 22, 2011

hi world.

work is really tiring.
workload is a lot heavier.

plus i need some time to familiarise.

i can sit on my chair and not move,
except for durin lunch time.

haha omgg.
and been rushing to dance everyday after work.
its actually manageable,but i get really irritated
when sth crops up and ill lose the momentum.

i wanna rest my mind.
feeling so tired.

dont even wanna waste any time to complain.
complaining wont help anyway.

just face it and do it.
yea, that's what ive been doing.

haha.

i always tell myself.
this is not the worst.
ive been thru worse.
so i feel that its stupid to complain.

actually. i dont know what im talking.
so tired. im waiting for my com to load some photos..
i wanna slp alr..

ahhhhh.

bye.

Labels: randomies, rants

12:33 AM - 0 comments

Saturday, January 01, 2011

bye bye 2010

hello blog.

another year gone~
its been 6-7 years since i started blogging??
haha, ill laugh reading the old posts.
and reflect how much i've grown.

so what have i did in 2010?
pretty lots of things. and changes too.

went thru year 3. FYP.
and finally graduation.
then became a lost cat.
not knowing what to do next.
but well, at least im working now.

several events that happened?
cant rmb much, but i know i had all my best moments
wif my DBT gang.

every moment with them is LOVE.
school+fyp+class+exams.
random outings.
nonsense dance practices.
annual dinner and dance.
phuket and many moree..

i am still dancing and im glad.
my juniors give me strength lol.
there are times when i feel that
i cant be of any help to them.
but i jux love their companyy.

and my dear sisteers.
havent forget u all at all.
its true we rarely meet.
only on birthday celebrations.
but u guys are always wif mi.

and i realised nowadays.
i tend to do things as and how i like it.
im less considerate noww i think LOL

i learned to reject certain things.
when i dont feel like doing.
unlike last time, people say, i jux do LOL

i talk lesser.
and only talk to people whom i feel comfortable.
when im uncomfortable, ill just blank out.
hahaha weirdo heh.

1.1.11 nice date.
and i dont know if i should look forward to 11.11.11
the day ill be 21 ..

still long, ive just turned 20 like 2 months ago only. hahaha.

alrite. resolutions for 2011?
dont know.

i need to maintain my weight! LOL

my life is turning boring.
im kind of starting to be like those working adults.
work sleep eat work sleep eat.
well at least i still have dance, for now..

start to feel that playing is not fun.
everyday jus feel lazy HAHAA
ohmy. need to change that.

so longggg.
ill be back~

haha anyway i jux saw this nice collaboration wif miss A and 2pm.

i like. LOL

Labels: randomies, rants, thoughts

11:37 PM - 0 comments

Sunday, December 12, 2010

boring

hello world.
pls jux ignore if u dont understand whats below, dunno what im writing too.
too random.

the 2 weeks have passed and its time for dance!
but. their everyday intensive trainings are mostly in the day,
so end up i cant make it cos of work.
except for some that are at nite.

that's one sian thing.

last last week went back to cc dance.
for a gathering with the rest.
end up getting called back by huang to perform.
regretted the moment i said yes.
and the performance is this fri.
haha and im really heckcare-ing.

that's 2nd sian thing.

din get to meet my dbt gang,
even tho i was so free (bored) wifout my dance zzzzzz.
was looking forward to meeting on sat, end up nthh.
and im gonna be busy again this week.

that's my 3rd sian thing.

kinda upset.

and i am really irritated
when my family starts to play mahjong. every weekend!!
my whole day is just gone like this zzzzz
i need to go out, MOVE and WALK.
makes me feel so fat at home.
but everyone's lazy to go out cos no car.
SIAN max.

sigh. tell me what to doo.. so zzz.

i dont have anyone to talk to.
and i dont talk to just anyone. lol

sigh. and i still miss school.
i wanna study.

that's so opposite from me a year ago.
definitely ill say " i dun wanna study"

irony.

my watch is still wif venus,
its been 2 weeks without wearing one..

i wanna play nice nice songs from piano,
but i cant coordinate 2 hands..
only separately. oh dearr.

cute thing is mi and my bro we each took one hand's and played tgt.

i think i need to pack my room again,
this time is my notes and books.
even tho my wardrobe is still messy lol

sian.

its monday.
time flies, its gonna be 2011 soon.

dont feel like sleeping yet.

any nice dramas to watch?
any new songs to listen?
anyone?

someone please respond.
im so bored lol.

i realised i haven talked to moni for a very long time.
maybe thats why lol

Labels: randomies, rants

11:22 AM - 0 comments

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

when i first entered poly,
i never expected myself to have met this gang of weird pp,
and when all these pp get tgt.. haha


they are LOVE. =D

so, jess had alr went back to indo.
awwwwwww ill see you soooooon jess, in few yrs time =)
_____________________________________________

alrite, hello everyone

hows life?
haha.

im totally aimless for now.
just work and wait - i have no idea waiting for wat too.
but at least, im enjoyin my work haha =)

lookin forward to the YOG rehearsals.
tho i noe its gonna be tiring and time consuming.
but well, at least its sth dancey haha.

its been really long since i went bacck for modern trainings on sat.
haha.

btw, TBG was woots.
QUEST CREW so doppee!


hmm, been wakin up really early automatically,
dunno is that good or bad, but since, i dont feel tired.
its good HAHA

seriously, nth seems to really interest meeee.
needs some motivation, inspiration or sth etc i dunnnooo.

im not exactly bored as in nothing to do,
in fact, my weeks are pretty packed,
haha just, it gets so siannnnnnnnn.
perhaps poly life was too exciting LOL
now everything pales in comparison.

alrite i shall sleep, soon.
haha bye.

Labels: dance, DBT23, randomies, rants

12:32 AM - 0 comments

Friday, May 28, 2010

hello folks.


i love koiiiii HAHAHA

hahahaha been a long time since i used tt term.
i miss school and the lecturers callin us FOLKS.

okay so,

finally ITS A HOLIDAY tml!
i dont know why i feel so tired today.
did a stupid ting at 5.59pm
and couldnt leave office on time.
roar.

these few weeks been rather eventful.
hadnt had a chance to stay at home for at least 12 hrs.
thankful my mummy is not nagggginggg.

tues had a company outing, for some celebration.
to NIGHT SAFARI. omg. buffet and entry tix, paid by company.
how nice. well im too lazy to elaborate details, so..

can u spot my colleagues from korea and japan?!

yep and, back to today, went to celebrate wxy's bd.
to the place whr i used to work. hk kim gary.
it was jess' bd when we last went tgt, now its wxy's.
time flies, its been a year. HAHA and we doin the same ting again.


so, i was sittin on my bed and i realised my room is in a mess again
and i dont noe why cos i wasnt really at home.. only back to slp.
LOLL. zzz. ohmywell, finally i get to rest at home tml!

ahhhhh.
worries, monday shall be it.

lalalala im so tired.

Labels: birthday, DBT23, randomies, rants

1:03 AM - 0 comments

Sunday, May 23, 2010

hello. its been rather long since i blogged?
haha. so, too much tings happening, let mi tink..

started working since start of may.
enjoyed it, i like the people, the work, the company.
most imptly, the $$! haha u noe it.

for a while i tot it will be really good to jux work forever,
all of a sudden, i dont feel like continuin my studies.
okay tts a stupid thot.

but at least nowww,
i feel really contented.

meetin up wif my dear classmates as many times as we could.
goin to dance trainings as usual.

i even jux came back from sdz camp!
how time flies, its been 2 years since the first.
went back to help out for the fun of it!

to my surprise, got a best female GP (game personnel) award!
i jux enjoy the company. lots lots lots.

so, am goin out again later to meet my dear classmates.
haha i tink i must be mad, if i dont see them for like 3-4 days,
i would tink tt we nv see each other for v long time!
PLEASE, lets find a big house!

anyways.
i haven had a free evening at home yet.
my days are all filled wif events, meetups etc.
awwwwwwwwwwwww.

its a good thing tt im workin n not studyin,
i dont haf tests and assignments to worry abt at home! =D

alrite i shallllll slack a while on my dear bed!

- i wan koi

and i cant publish my phuket trip,
cos its only updated til day5 SIAN

Labels: randomies, rants, school, SDZ

3:18 PM - 0 comments

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

hello PLANTS.

protoplast fusion.


what's a protoplast?
plant cell without cell wall. LOLL

zzz. bored. restless. slacking.
i jux find it so hard to concentrate to study plants.
how to grow plants!
so many methods.

learnin to be a farmer indeed. LOL

bye laaaaaa.
____________________________________

oh btw, i mentioned tt my mum went genting rite.
and guess wat. she so enjoy life can!
look at the hotel she stayed in.






the toilet!! tv ohmy!

Labels: exams, randomies, rants, school

9:43 PM - 0 comments

Sunday, February 28, 2010

hello blog.

i feel so restless now.
dont wanna studyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

i cant wait for ADND and our phuket trip!

lalalalalalala.
please remind mi to remind u guys to wear class tee,
on our last day of paper!

haven take a full class shot wif it!

mummy's away to genting.
ants are all over the house.
zzz. i got clean hse leh!

so sian!
lalala. im randomly typin nonsense here.

study study!

Labels: exams, randomies, rants

5:09 PM - 0 comments

Friday, February 19, 2010

helllllo peeps.

i guess today is really the official end of school days.
2 weeks of exams. and we're freeeeee.

i shd be happy. lol.

noooooooooooo
i don't wanna graduate!

okay im like some kid. haha.
lots to say. but dunno how n whr to start lol.
shall jux skip this.
_______________________

anyways.
went out to wendi's bd celebration ytd.

marche and k @ chevrons.
haha hell fun.

i think we were working out more than singing.
i look forward to next k session.
_______________________

and!

instead of studying,
i'm obsessed with youtube watching videos.

GaIn and JoKwon!
Brown eyed girls!

i found this slow version of sign. sang live.
listen if u wan, its on my blog playlist, nice!

okay.
i feel like stayin in my dream world.

it does feel weird when there's no dance.
HELLO IM GETTING FATTER. hahaha.

Labels: randomies, rants, school

10:26 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

i felt so zzz today.
thank god im not alone.
lol

congrats to those who had their fyp officially finished today.
i have 2 more days to go =(

im glad for the good news.
test is postponed.
but tt means.. next week is hell.

3 tests? presentation?

i lost track.

actually, i rather not know the news so soon,
so i can actually study finish it today.

oh well, too bad lol

posting results out.
i have a brother who nv fails to make me worry.

my bed is the best.

Labels: randomies, rants, school

7:43 PM - 0 comments

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

hello blog.

i am feeling slack.
even though i know i have lots of work to do.
sdz mass meeting tml. cant make it. kinda sad.
think im starting to drift away from my dancey club.

wasted my whole evening till now.
just rmbed, i should study gentec.
test on thur. fyp presentation on fri.

im supposed to be teaching dance in a sec sch tml.
kinda siaaan cos i dont really enjoy choreo-ing.
adds on to stress lvl. wif all my school work.

oh well.
tml will be a better day.?
i hope.

some motivation please.

mixed feelings.
aimless.

whyyyyy.
so ironical.

and i cant really tell how im feeling to anyone.

i wanna play wif my class.
i miss my dance juniors.
i miss my sisters.

Labels: randomies, rants, school

9:58 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, January 21, 2010

hello blog.

this week's been a weird one.
no motivation to go school.
refusing to wake up.

and i'm always falling asleep
leavin the laptop on till morning.

lots lots lots of work to do.
but im adddicted to watchin videos.

i really dont feel like doin.
ohno. this is bad.

so, i shall watch another episode =x

Labels: randomies, rants, school

9:16 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

hello blog.

fyp presentation dates out.
i'm actually like the last group to present.
ommmg. just feeel... ohmy lar.

i was hoping it'll be on the first day,
so faster present faster end faster finish.
but, ohmyy.

maybe ill just try and tell myself
"nvm, i have more time now"

zzz.

okays.
this week's been a mess too.
supposed to be a happy week,
cause FYP report is submitted.
but here comes my brother, with his results stunts.
and he desperately neeeds help =(
worse, i dont know how to help.

kind of "busy" preparin for the esplanade perf.
well, actually din really do much,
just waiting and wasting time.
still, it took up my mon n wed nites.

and here comes another unexpected perf.
on this friday. ahhhh.
there's even a rehearsal for it tml.
and i only learnt tt dance today.
cos there were pp hu couldnt make it.
i was asked to perform.

okayayaya. hopefully, i dont forget steps and screw the dance.

now, list of hw to be done.
bioinfo assignment 9
bioinfo presentation (after fyp)
gentec datasheets 9 and 10
plant science datasheet
bioprocess datasheet
ACC semi-formal grp report
OC indv presentation + written script
FYP presentation
FYP logbook

wat else?
i hope tts all.
seems quite little. lol

haha..

i'm feeling weird.
but i cant describe wat is this feeling.

hello everyone,
lets work hard.

AND,
tickets to graduation trip BOOKED.
looking forward, to the one and only.

as well as our annual D&D.

BUT.
that would mean we are extremely near to graduation.
this is so contradicting.

yes okay.
i think i have randomly typed lots of stuffs here.
- lots of photos to upload. but so lazy.

its time to go sort out my work.
i mux not neglect my studies.

*

Labels: dance, randomies, rants, school

10:30 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

no motivation to do work.
i need to work extra hard.

its hard to do fyp wif jux 2 pp indeed.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh save me?
no one can.

i envy shermin, she has got 4 pp in the fyp grp.
haha.

restless.
slack.
reluctant.

Labels: randomies, rants

2:06 AM - 0 comments

Monday, January 04, 2010

first day of my last term in sp.

it was alrite in the morning.
i was exceptionally attentive n all.
den all of a sudden i jux felt so sian.
when i realise i haf so much work undone.

lol. i jux still wanna play.
why must the holiday end so fast.

let's enjoy everyday n cherish our remaining days =(
i am tryin not to think abt it but ahhhhhhhh.
u noe i noe we noe.

argh FYP!

OKAY I AM SO SAD I DUNNO WHY. lol
somebody help me do my work! =(

i wan a twin to help mi do work LOL

and that reminds mi.
twins' birthday
jeremy n jerome.

how nice.

im waitin for hi my sweetheart ep 11!!

Labels: randomies, rants, school

8:45 PM - 0 comments

Monday, November 02, 2009

i should not even be blogging.

but still, hello im here.
sighh. haven do my datasheets.
AND MY FYP REPORT.
im supposed to start it.

guess i wont have time this week,
and i need to do my datasheets.
SHIIIT.

i dont feel like doing.
tired. no mood.

bye.

Labels: rants

1:36 AM - 0 comments

Saturday, October 24, 2009

hello blog.

just feel like ranting here.
long week once again.

i dont really feel tired,
just getting a little lazy to do my stuffs.
been tryin not to be late for 8am classes.
should start doin my fyp report seriously.
i must not fall asleep in classssss.

back to concert.
preparations still goin onn.
feels unstableeeeeeeeeeee.
i haven start sewing the costume LAR!

AND i'm onli given 9 tix to sell.
i need like MOREEEE AND MOREE =(
hu can spare mii someeee.
i need like 20, 11 more. =((((((((
my class, sisters, family, friends.

its my last year.
i really wan them to go.
even tho i actually din dance a lot items like last time.
lol. but, ill be different LOL

another early day tml.
i shall start on my sewing (OHMY)
bye.

Labels: randomies, rants

12:20 AM - 0 comments